Fault Lines

And don't sin by letting anger control you. 
Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, 
for anger gives a foothold to the devil. 
 ~ Ephesians 4:26-27.

So I've decided to blog even when I'm feeling fed-up and irritated as all get-out.  Feeling put-upon, unappreciated, unnoticed, and darnit--even unfed.


I know I'm suffering first world problems that won't cause permanent damage to me or anybody else.  But anger might.  Anger, if coddled, can grow and flow and fracture even the steadiest heart; leaving vulnerable places where the bitterness can grow and destroy our joy.


Jesus forgives me my fault lines, and gives me the power to forgive others their fault lines.  And He heals up the broken places that others leave upon my soul, and fills my mended cup with His love.

Make allowance for each other's faults, 
and forgive anyone who offends you.  
Remember, the Lord forgave you, 
so you must forgive others.  
~ Colossians 3:13

Bold Dreams

I dreamed that God had a Facebook wall, on which I simply wrote, "Come On!"


I knew He'd know what I meant.  That I'd grown weary of pleading and pretending patience and that I needed Him to understand my need was Real.  My need was Now.


When I awakened, I remembered vividly and felt chagrin and even shame.  How dare I walk right up, post a demand on my Friend's wall for all to see so bold and so stark and so--rude!  In my mind I started to apologize and explain and dismiss my sentiments as "just a dream."


But then I realized that those two words were the essence of all my prayers and petitions over the last several months.  Without pretense or preamble, I had dreamed up a prayer that was straight and true and the clearest expression of the pain in my soul.


And I realized that He'd already known my prayer and hadn't been surprised in the least at my outburst of frustration.  And somehow, He's okay with that.  My prayer wasn't eloquent or even completely coherent.  But I'd finally said it.  And the veil of pretending was gone--I'd finally revealed myself at my most vulnerable and admitted my anger and impatience; but more importantly--my faith.


Those two terse words, "Come On!" contain my belief that he will indeed, answer my need.
In fact Paul already wrote this, and said it better than I did a long time ago:

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. 

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:13-16

So when will I learn to just show up in God's throne room and start remembering that He'll receive me with mercy, grace, and love?

Along the Path

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left. ~ Isaiah 30:21

 ~ ~ ~

Life-changing events happen to us all.  Some are overtly planned to have a positive effect in our lives and are the results of choices we make: graduations, wedding day, becoming a parent.   Our journey unfolds as an adventure on a chosen path--not always smoothly, but surprisingly, with bits of joy and brilliance along the way.

Some events pluck us off of our path and fling us down upon another road, unfamiliar and unwelcome and almost unbearably lonely.

We meet new people on this path, common neighbors to whatever tragedy or trauma also brought them here.  Some friends walk along beside us and choose brave the tough spots, some cannot or will not; and we mourn the loss of their company.  But hope springs up in this place and we learn to abstract beauty from the ashes, and a spirit of praise from despair.

Morning by morning we awake, our terror lessening; reminded that we're given strength and comfort in the time of need.  His voice still whispers, "We're where we need to be on this journey Home. Together."

~ ~ ~
What's more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you. ~ Genesis 28:15

Breaking the Surface

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. Isaiah 43:2


There are times when they show up, unbidden--a slide show of the worst of moments; and with them, the temptation to remain in that dark place in time and feel the fear and helplessness again.  It's overwhelming, like an undercurrent surrounding me and tugging me down. 


I'm learning that there is a way to resist that darkness; and focus on the light, love, and joy the Lord has promised.  To deliberately leave the bottom of the ocean's abyss and press upward, like a swimmer rising to the surface for a life-preserving gasp of oxygen.  It has nothing to do with my own strength or piety; but everything to do with choosing to focus every part of my being on looking up to Jesus.  Jesus and his matchless charms, unreasonable love, and enabling grace.


The battles are short and desperate; but if I look upward, move upward, I will eventually break the surface into the dazzling light and be able to breathe once again.  And Jesus is there.     He was there all along--and always will be.


But when he (Peter) saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted.  Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him."You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?"  Matthew 14:30-31

Valley of the Shadow

I have a playlist on my iPod that I've listened to hundreds of times.  It's labeled "Sleep Still" and it's been my way of hanging onto Jesus through the darkest nights.  And some of those nights have been very dark, and very long.

I'm going to share a few of them here and explain what they mean to me.  They feel like old friends, and I want to introduce you to their blessings. (Song titles are clickable links to an audio sample)

How Loved am I

O Lord You are my Keeper; I will never be in want

You hold me close, so tender; And quiet me with love

And I hear You singing over me ~ I hear You singing over me

Songs of countless promises ~ Like kisses from heaven they fall

How loved am I! 

Songs that take me to higher heights ~ Such favor I know is divine

How loved am I! How loved am I!

O Lord You are my Keeper; My heart is safe with You

Though in life there will be valleys, You take my hand and lead me through.

And I hear You singing over me ~ I hear You singing over me

Songs of countless promises ~ Like kisses from heaven they fall

How loved am I!

Songs that take me to higher heights ~ Such favor I know is divine

How loved am I! How loved am I!

Jesus holds my hand when I listen to this.  It's His lullaby to me.  When fear and sadness threaten to overwhelm me, I hear Him saying, "You're safe here with me."  And I believe Him.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent  

  

Let all mortal flesh keep silence, and with fear and trembling stand;

Ponder nothing earthly minded, For with blessing is His hand,

Christ our God to earth descendeth, Our full homage to demand.

King of Kings, Yet born of Mary, As of old earth He stood,

Lord of Lords, In human vesture, In the body and the blood;

He will give to all the faithful. His own self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of heaven spreads it's vanguard on the way,

As Light of light descendeth from the realms of endless day,

That the powers of hell may vanish as the darkness clears away.

At His feet the six-winged seraph, Cherubim, with sleeples eye,

Veil their faces to His presence as with ceaseless voice they cry:

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Lord Most High!

Jesus knows all about saying goodbyes.  His Father and the Angels, gave him up for 33 years to a world that wouldn't understand Him, wouldn't appreciate Him, and would eventually torture and kill Him--all in order to save us.  And Jesus suffered the second death, that gut-wrenching agony of total separation from His Father; so we wouldn't have to. 

He tells me, "I know what it is to grieve.  I'm here with you.  And soon all things will be set right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweet Jesus

Sweet Jesus, my Savior; You are my faithful friend

You made me, You know me, You see my every sin

And my soul is amazed by this gift of your grace; And these arms that take me in

Sweet Jesus, my Savior, You are my faithful friend

Sweet Jesus, my shelter, you are my faithful friend

The refuge that I run to when my world comes crashing in

Why should I be afraid when I know I am saved by the arms that take me in?

Sweet Jesus, my shelter, you are my faithful friend

Sweet Jesus, my shepherd, you are my faithful friend

You hold me, you lead me, I'll follow til the end

And once more I will say on that beautiful day, When your arms take me in

Sweet Jesus, my shepherd, you are my faithful friend

Sweet Jesus my Savior you are my faithful friend.

Jesus promises his faithful friendship.  Always.  He's never too busy, too distracted, or too any-thing-else.  He's the one who welcomes me home.

For those who may be saying goodbyes: Jesus is here.  Take hold of his hand and let him bring you comfort, friendship, and hope.

The Questions Answered

I just recently discovered the show "Who do you think you are?" and have been more intrigued and inspired than I expected.  The premise is simple: Each week the focus is on following one celebrity uncovering stories of their ancestors.  My first thought was, "I don't care much about Rosie O'Donnell or Gwyneth Paltrow or who they might think they are."  Fortunately, each celebrity is really just a conduit for learning about the rank and file everyday people from which they (like all of us) are descended.

The stories are sketched out in family tree graphics, documents, old photographs, and local scenery.  Literal paths are followed, old documents discovered, buildings and graveyards visited, and a real and deep sense of individuals and their stories long past are conveyed with amazing clarity.  I've been led to tears, laughter, and gasps of surprise at discovering who these people were, what they lived with and through, and how their experiences affected them and the generations to follow.

And then I got to thinking about the Millennium when we'll have a chance to ask, and have answered, all our questions about sin and salvation, and about who made it and why.  I used to imagine us "saints" standing around at clever, translucent, heavenly podiums laden with ponderous books; layers of holy ink and parchment that we'd flip through for a thousand years, trying to judge the fairness of God's judgment by plodding through millions of written histories.  Not very imaginative was I?

But then the light came on in my head.  If we puny humans could figure out a way to present in an illuminated and beautiful way, the stories of people past; then how much better could our wise and genius Heavenly Dad come up with to share the story of the great controversy; from beginning to end!?

The Recording Angel is surely equipped with more than just ink!  I imagine a whole host of the Heavenly Press Corps with video cameras, and 3-D technology, IMAX capabilities, and probably even smell-o-vision--present through the ages, capturing the story of our hero (Jesus) and what he's done and for whom he's done it in the all-encompassing effort to save us and to vindicate His Father's name.

In my mind's eye I can see the heavenly television monitors all aglow as they put together the life story of each and every individual ever born on earth.  Each life episode is laid out with truth and love--to be shown during that thousand years of judging.  Those who accepted Jesus will have stories short and sweet, as the confessed and forgiven failures have been faithfully blotted out; and only the reflection of The Son will be seen in their lives.  And I imagine, the sad stories of the lost will only serve to reveal again and again the relentlessness of God's love and his countless attempts to save them.

That's a show I can look forward to watching.  Where all my questions will be answered and the desire of all ages will be met.

"Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." ~ John 17: 3